I have no idea how long it has been since I have posted but one thing I can you is that things are so different and I wish they weren’t. I wish that I could go back to 3 or 4 years ago and just live them over and over again. I wish someone would have told me what would happen in the future just so that I could be even moderately prepared.
I’m no longer 22 years old. I am 25 years old. I haven’t read in forever. I am teaching full-time and absolutely loving it.
And my dad has a rare cancer.
Just weeks ago the doctors told us that there is nothing else they can do. Dad has been fighting for about 2 years now and for over 10 months he was in remission. Remission! And then several months later we were told that the cancer returned – in the same place and a new place… his brain. We did chemotherapy and then the doctors said that it wasn’t working so the last resort was to just do … nothing… to just let dad be.
I cannot even describe the emotions I am feeling. It’s been about a month since the doctors told us that so I have had time to process but sometimes I catch myself dazing off.. just not thinking about anything. It’s like I want the world to pause… I really want time to pause so that I can just breathe properly without feeling like I am going to choke.
I don’t even know where I am going with this post. I needed to get it off my chest.
I am so sad about my dad. I am so so sad. I just want my dad to live.